I am usually a bubbly person and its most of the time super fun to be around me. But my life and who I am aren’t only what you see on social media. I took me one month to write this article because I am about to get very personal.
These last two years I battled and I am still battling anxiety and depression. Each day I struggled to go against the voices inside my head telling me that I am not worth it, I am ugly, I won’t make it through and I deserve all the bad things happening to me. I would give credits to cyber bullies, deny my real self, be ashamed of my past, shut the door on and hurt people I love, etc... I would literally feel paralyzed by anxiety as if it was a physical person chocking me.
Two years ago I started a therapy which is still going on, started reading books on people who’ve been through and survived the same pain. I focused my attention on doing more things that I love and surrounding myself with positive people. Fortunately it helps me to have better control on my feelings and to love myself.
I am very happy to know where I stand in the makeup industry and in life. Being more peaceful and accepting about myself allowed me to find my own identity, that is being kind. This is who I really am, a kind, generous, fun person and I love sharing these values while working.
My makeup and humane event “Les Journées du Maquillage – Makeup Days” was very heartfelt and making it come true meant a lot to me. I felt that it was a huge victory against labeling and stigmatization of how you should look like to be happy. Organizing an event that was the reflection of how I feel regarding body shaming, bullying, or ostracism is my contribution to the promotion of self-love and equality, as these principles help me every day.
Having people investing time and resources in this event made me believe even more in the worth of this message, because yes I doubted, I doubted that kindness could win. Organizing this event was a long journey made of many challenges but the three things that kept me going were:
My anxiety is due to the bullying, deprivation and violence I had to deal with during my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. Yes that did hurt a lot. But my eyes are watering while I write this, I am thankful for making it through and having an emotional baggage that keeps me grounded. It also allows me to understand those suffering from anxiety and I am happy that they can relate to me.